Working Like the Proverbial Dog...

There's lots of spice in my life right now...

Just not the right kind

The company I work for is in the midst of a merger.

Personally, in terms of anything other than an increase in work for me, this means nothing.

• Am I getting an increase in pay? No.
• Am I getting additional perks? No.

But all this nothing actually does mean something…

My office computer and I have increased the depth of our relationship and we spend many hours sinking soulfully into each others gaze – merging ourselves if you will…

And just so you understand, I am not a bigwig in the company, just a secretary. Personal Assistant to the CEO, if you want to make a big deal out of it. Which I don't.

This intensified bond has had a negative effect on my relationship with my significant other – my personal computer. In fact, I have been returning home with my eyes swirling around in my head like Ka's in the Jungle Book. My bare necessities are now sustenance and unconsciousness (with no phones ringing). Forget cultural enrichment or even a night out with friends – my social skills have been reduced to incomprehensible monosyllables…

I do admit to going to my pottery class once a week - mainly so I can take out my anger management issues on the lumps of clay. I can't complain though, there are some decent dividends too.

Mind you, my quality eating moments have decreased significantly too… Actually, they seem to have disappeared.

I honestly can't bring myself to blog about the Israeli version of Kraft dinner (which is what I ate twice last week – once freshly made and once with leftovers). My supplies of homemade frozen meals have been reduced to 0 which is why I resorted to WackyMac.

Spagetti ali oli, is another quickie, or sticky rice with satay sauce, if I remember to soak the rice in the morning – in the morning coffee gets precedence, naturally.

But I digress.

My brainpower, creativity and resources are nil by the time I get home. Weekends are now used to recover so I can work another week.

Admittedly I did make another batch of The Bread this past weekend,

mainly so I could use my newest, smaller sized, casserole.

I wanted to check out how it works, which turns out to be really well.

This time around The Bread was made with white, spelt and whole wheat flours. I used a pair of scissors to cut the top - very effective and made the presentation most professional looking, I thought.

And I did make chili crabs for my Friday night dinner.

But I added red cabbage which lost its colour in my iron wok.

Everything turned an unappetizing shade of blue-grey, which I should have realized would happen, except that my brain was still hiding under the duvet, never having joined my body when I got up on Saturday.

And the cloud ear fungus that I mixed in generously, though it added a great crunchy texture to the dish, didn't add any visual oomph.

Overall, it tasted great, but looked absolutely appalling {the picture was taken about 3 seconds before everything turned blue}

Good thing I didn't have company. Blue food is not as cool as it sounds - it looks cyanotic and even a bit dangerous.

Oh, and just so that you know, I have come home drenched more than a few times in the past couple of weeks – scooters and rain are not a great mix, and all I want to do is get dry, eat something hot and quick, and crawl into bed with my buckwheat heating pad.

Maybe one day, not in the foreseeable future, but sometime sooner rather than later, I hope, I can re-establish my acquaintance with my computer and be more faithful with my blogging.

This is known as Jewish guilt,
Because who is really concerned about this, other than me?

And The Winner Is...

The Menu For Hope III prize winners have been announced.

If you want to find out if you are one of the lucky winners - and aren't we all winners for having participated? then check out the list at Chez Pim and then follow her instructions for getting your prize.

If you are the lucky person who will be getting the Jaffa MudPrize, then please leave a comment so I can get your details for mailing. And don't forget to let me know which plate you want.

Oh, and just so that you know, my usual luck held true... my raffle ticket came up bust, but I did get a prize anyway - being able to participate in this wonderful event.

Thanks to everybody who participated.
And a special thanks to Pim and her team of little elves.

Hope III

Nobody should go hungry in this world.

Nobody...

Like anybody who is even remotely human, I like to have affirmation. Think Sally Fields' Oscar acceptance speech "... you like me - right now, you like me!" Well, that's how I have felt every time someone has donated to Menu for Hope IIII and said they want to have a chance to win my prize. Thanks y'all (you know who you are...)

There are still 6 1/2 days left to put your money where your heart is, namely the right place, and make a donation for the UN World Food Programme. And of course I know there are people out there who have been shy up 'til now, but I know you like me, and I know you'd love to get your mits on my amazing prize.

Just think, you could be the owner of an original, hand-made-in-Jaffa plate with an original drawing - your choice of demure or provocative, that can be used to serve on, bake with and just display - and if you need to clean it, just pop it into the dishwasher... how great is that. And not only that, but there are a pile of packages filled with exotic spice mixtures (and some recipes to boot). And if that isn't enough, there is also some of the most amazing halvah tucked in there as well. You've never had anything like it, really!

So c'mon, dig deep and help us make this years Menu for Hope even more of a success than it already is (almost $20,000 and counting!).

And just in case you're wondering how I spent my Saturday...

This time it was 2 cups AP, and 1/2 cup each whole wheat and rye flours.

Don't you just love The Bread?

Menu for Hope III

The Menu for Hope III charity raffle is now on.

Check out the following host sites for an amazing list of cool prizes:

US West Coast: Sam of Becks and Posh
US East Coast: Adam the Amateur Gourmet
US (the rest): Kalyn of Kalyn's Kitchen
Canada: Jasmine of Cardamom Addict
Europe and UK: David Lebovitz of Davidlebovitz.com
Asia Pacific: Helen of Grab Your Fork
Wine Blogs: Alder Yarrow of Vinography

For those of you who don't know how it works...

Between December 11-22 you can make a donation that will give you a chance to win one of the really great prizes that are up for grabs. For each $10 you donate you get 1 chance to win a prize of your choice.

David Lebovitz is the regional sponsor for Europe - but he has kindly agreed to include me even though Israel is technically not a part of the EU.

Now, lets say you really, really want to win the very amazing prize that I am donating (see below). You donate $1000 and get 100 virtual tickets for the drawing that will be held once the tally's are figured out. Or, lets say you want, but really want, 10 different prizes... You would then donate $100 ten separate times - specifying which prize you want for every donation. Of course, you only need one ticket to win - so a donation of $10 could just get you that lucky ticket...

Don't forget this is a great cause, all profits go to a really worth charity (United Nations World Food Programme) and the prizes are all being donated by bloggers, blog readers and people who want to make a difference.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is no competition for whose prize gets the most donations, but my prize is definitely something to get excited over.

The Jaffa MudPie Prize
(Prize Code EU30)

1 handmade-in-Israel stoneware plate. This 29cm/almost 12 inch diameter plate with sloping sides is decorated with your choice of either a drawing of a tasteful nude or a father holding his daughter (as shown), is completely hand made in Jaffa, Israel using non-toxic underpaints and glazes. This high quality piece is suitable for baking, serving or just for display. Microwave, dishwasher and oven safe (just don't use it on open flames) this would be perfect for a pie or tart. This collectors item of the future shouldn't be missed - think Israeli Clarice Cliffe. (FYI, I sell my work privately and have made numerous pieces on commission).

And not only will you be getting this one of a kind plate, but it will be accompanied by some special spice mixes that are unique to the Middle East area:

• 3 kinds of Hawai'ij - for savoury food, baking, and coffee
• Baharat
• Genuine zata'ar
• Sumach
• Persian dried lemons both black and white
• Dried roses for cooking
• Special halva'ah unique to the area

I will pay for shipping, handling to wherever you are, and duty (up to $50, which I think should look after any outrageous demands by the tax men and women. Please check that there are no restrictions in your country for the import of any of these cooking items.

Now I know you are raring to donate scads of cash and put your tickets towards winning my wonderful prize, but before you do that you should check out the other great prizes available. In each entry you'll find links that you can follow to the individual web sites and blogs to learn more about the prizes from the donors. Should you have any questions, please ask the donor prior to bidding. For more information, visit Chez Pim.

So How Can You Bid?

1. Go to the donation page on First Giving.
   
2. Make a donation! Each $10 you donate will give you one raffle ticket toward a prize of your choice. Please specify which prize you'd like in the 'Personal Message' section in the donation form when confirming your donation. You must write-in how many tickets per prize, and please use the prize code (for example, a donation of $50 can be 2 tickets for EU01 and 3 for EU02. (Please use the double-digits, not EU1, but EU01.)
   
3. If your company matches your charity donation, please remember to check the box and fill in the information so we can claim the corporate match.
   
4. Please also check the box to allow us to see your email address so that we can contact you in case you win. Your email address will not be shared.
   
5. Check back at Chez Pim on January 15 when results are announced.

And just remember, your donation will help us help others, so
"Thank You"!

I've Got Chutzpah

What the heck is chutzpah? you ask...

Well, it is posting a picture twice, but I have my reasons.

I decided that it was time for me to participate in another blogger event, and this time I chose DMBLGIT. What that translates into is : Does My Blog Look Good In This, which is being hosted over at SpittoonExtra.

I say chutzpah as well, because this is a food photo thing and well, the mystery creature above hasn't been styled or tinted or manipulated in any way, except if you call peeling a pomello manipulation. But personally, I thought it was a really sexy photo - au naturel, you could say, and looking exceptionally edible in a weird squidgy sort of way.

In the meantime, I haven't been remiss about blogging - for some reason I couldn't access BloggerB at all yesterday and so I threw up my hands in frustration and went to bed at a reasonable time for a change (that has happened less and less since I started blogging, and I have a feeling that I might not be alone in this).

Tonight I was mudding. I now have an almost completed casserole - it just lacks handles, a very funky bowl, and the bottom half of a half-sized casserole that I think will be perfect for making The Bread - taller and narrower. Also perfect for making small stews for 4, baked potatoes, or to use as a tureen for soup.

I love playing with mud,

it was always my favourite childhood pastime.

I guess I haven't yet grown up yet!

The Bread

A variation on a theme...

Ok, maybe I have become a bit obsessed with this bread. Or maybe I have become a bit obsessed with using my own pottery to cook in. Or, just maybe, this bread is so forgiving that even with my cantankerous oven, what starts off looking completely unpromising turns into something I can be proud of.

Maybe it is a combination of all three and, just to top it off, there is nothing like the smell or taste of freshly baked bread warm from the oven.

I started a regular batch of The Bread (aka Jim Lahey's Sullivan Street Bakery No-Knead Bread) on Thursday night after I had been stood up by a blind date. Nothing like anticipating for the future when the present has given you a raspberry. But it was my gain on Friday when a beautiful loaf came out of the oven just in time to share with SistR and her family for Shabbat dinner. Blessed by providence and a great recipe!

Friday evening I decided I would try a variation on a theme and made a mixed grain version. I did start out by following the original recipe but because I used a mixture of different textures and types of grains, I realized, at the 12 hour mark, when I took a peak to see how things were progressing, that something wasn't right... my oops somewhere. The recipe below is after correcting my mistake (I threw in more food for the yeast).

No -Knead Bread - a mixed grain version
Adapted from Jim Lahey, Sullivan Street Bakery
Time: About 1½ hours plus 14 to 20 hours’ rising

• 3 1/2 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
• 1/4 cup each ground barley and millet
  (I put mine through an old fashioned coffee mill twice)
• 1/4 cup each buckwheat and spelt flour
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
• ¼ teaspoon instant yeast
• 1¼ teaspoons salt
• 1 3/4 cups water
  (getting the original 1 5/8 is difficult for me...)
• Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed (I used a mixture of both).

Pour 1/2 cup boiling water over barley and millet & let soak until cooled.

In a large bowl combine flours, yeast and salt. Add 1 1/4 cups water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably about 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.

Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.

Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal; put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.

At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide your hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up; it may look like a mess, but that is O.K. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on a rack.

I was a little dubious about this because the dough was very, very wet (I guess the other flours don't absorb water as easily) , but this came out of the oven looking amazing, smelling irresistable and tasting phenomenal, with a light fluffy interior made chewy and rich by the various grains and a crust that shatterered when bitten into. Who needs butter?

My other project for the day was to finish making my chestnut puree. I gently warmed the cooked chestnut and cream mixture that I prepared yesterday evening (when it was cold it was thick and claggy and would have choked my stick blender), and then used the said stick blender to puree this until it was smooth as satin. This took a fairly long while because there was about 500gr of peeled chestnuts and 1/2 cup cream. But my patience was rewarded, because there is nothing grainy or coarse about this stuff.

So what am I going to do with this? Something I haven't had in about 15 years, but can still taste... This is one of my favourite desserts of all time. I think of this in conjunction with gleaming silver and shining crystal because my mom only ever made this dessert for guests. I don't think I ever had this except as a leftover. Which is kind of a good thing because, if you like chestnuts, this is completely addictive!

My Mom's Cold Chestnut Souffle

• 4 eggs + 2 egg yolks
• 1/2 c sugar
• 1 tbsp gelatine
• 6 tbsp rum
• 1 c sweetened chestnut puree
  (if you are using unsweetened, adjust amount of sugar)
• 1 c heavy cream whipped until stiff

Have ready a 3/4 litre souffle dish with a standing collar made from silicone or waxed paper

Dissolve gelatine and rum over hot water, let cool while you beat the eggs, yolks and sugar until very thick and pale (at least 10 minutes)

Beat the cooled rum mixture quickly into eggs, then add the puree slowly, so as not to lose air.

Gently fold in the whipped cream, then scrape the mixture into the souffle dish (don't forget to put the collar on first!). Run a knife carefully through the mixture to get rid of any big bubbles, then chill thoroughly until set (6-8 hours)

My mom's original recipe said to serve this decorated with whipped cream rosettes and glaceed marron halves before carefully removing the collar. But I always remember this being served in a beautiful Orrefors crystal bowl with nothing more than a circle of whipped cream piped around the edges.

This is just another gratuitous picture of the chestnut puree...

in anticipation of the souffle.

Friday

My favourite day of the week.

Everything was so bright and cheerful at the Carmel Market, even the tomatoes seemed to be on parade today. I didn't get alot - I don't really need anything, what with my organic CSA delivery on Mondays, but it is always fun getting little extras. Todays treat was a tiny container of gorgeous, bright orange ikura - Russian style salmon roe to be eaten on a bowl of steamed rice with some shredded Nori. My version of almost heaven.

I got a few vanilla pods too. I paid 12 shekels (about US$2.75) for one, and then I found somebody else doing a 2fer, so I got a pair from him. One of them already has a destination - my creme de marrons. The others have a fate that varies from minute to minute. In other words, I don't have the faintest clue what I will do with my bounty of beans. Last of my purchases were a pair of alligator pears - Hass, my favourite.

Dinner tonight was a chicken and chestnut soup with some fresh The Bread..

Simple and satisfying.

Going Potty

This means going crazy in British English, so please don't get me wrong!

Israeli drivers have to be some of the worst I have ever encountered. They make the drivers I encountered in Cairo, Kathmandu, Delhi, Mumbai, Mexico City and New York look polite, considerate and law-abiding. The number of times per day that I have some maniac yell at me after I point my finger symbolically and shoot them dead, is ridiculous. After all, they have just cut me off not once but twice, wavering across the road and driving in 3 lanes at once. They think that they have the law on their side (which they don't in theory, but in practice they do because the cops never ever stop them or ticket them) and they act like I am just some little scooteriste who has no right to be on the road.

And on rainy days, like today, they are even worse - either driving at 10km/hr or at 140 in a 40 zone... I have no clue how they got their licenses, but in the majority of cases I am confident in saying that baksheesh passed hands. So that is one reason why I am going potty today.

At the urging of Tanna of My Kitchen in Half Cups and Lindy of Toast (whose blogs are most excellent and if you haven't already, you should go and visit them) I am going to attempt to make an oval casserole for The Bread.

But I need to practice first and make a couple of regular ones; refresh my memory on how to make the lid fit properly, getting the height right, what kind of handles, etc. So tonight I started and have 2 on the go: one full sized one and one half-sized (for single people loaves or pots au feu). Progress reports will be posted...

And that is the other reason...

Home Sick

What do I do when I'm feeling under the weather?

I make chicken soup and I bake.

I saw this recipe in the New York Times and I just knew I had to try it. They said it was child proof, and seeing as I'm a big kid, and I wasn't up to anything too complicated, I figured this would be just up my alley.

Knowing my weakness for fresh bread, I cut the recipe down by half and then I mismeasured the flour (I know I shouldn't do anything that needs exactitude when I'm not feeling great) so the below recipe is my take on the NYTimes one. But it worked BEAUTIFULLY.

New York Times No -Knead Bread
Adapted from Jim Lahey, Sullivan Street BakeryTime:
About 1½ hours plus 14 to 20 hours’ rising
Yield: One small loaf

• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
• 1/8 teaspoon instant yeast
• 5/8 teaspoons salt
• 3/4 cups plus 2 tablespoons water
• Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed.

1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast and salt. Add 1 water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably about 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.
2. Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.
   

3. Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal (I used cornmeal); put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.

   

4. At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 3 quart heavy covered pot (I used a ceramic casserole that I made and that I have been waiting to use, but cast iron, enamel, or Pyrex would do) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide your hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up; it may look like a mess, but that is O.K. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on a rack.

This really was as easy as they said. And just like they promised, the flavour was amazing and the crust was as crispy and crackly as anything you could get at a bakery.

Trust Mark Bittman to get it right!

Just a note to say that this is also an incredibly forgiving recipe - my oven decided after about 30 minutes to turn itself off and cool down almost completely before it let itself be turned back on. Even with this delayed baking time my loaf turned out perfectly, not overcooked, beautiful texture and crumb. If I only have one bread recipe to use for the rest of my cooking life, this would be it!

Pottery Class

I walked out of my pottery class tonight.

That is the first time I have done that in 4 years,

going every single week.

The problem is three-fold. The first, and most annoying of the problems, being that there is a new student who is desperate for attention and just never stops talking and asking everybody (especially me) for help. Ok, I can understand that this is a new skill, but in order to learn you have to do, not have everybody else do for you. And you don't learn by saying I can't do this, this is too hard and calling out for something else to do. Ceramics is something that your mind might understand theoretically, but your body still needs to learn the motions and your hands still need to learn how things are supposed to feel. It takes time and patience and desire.

I have the desire, and I have the patience, but my time is limited to 3 hours once a week, and I don't pay to be the teacher's assistant, I pay to have a teacher teach me. Because there is alot that I don't know, and I am the first to admit that.

The second part of my frustration is that the studio is in a complete state of chaos and just trying to make a space to work in takes up half an hour of my time. It didn't used to be that way, but I have been getting the distinct feeling that the classes, even though they are her bread and butter, are not the first priority for the teacher. Ok, admittedly, she has been going through a bit of a rough time of late, but if people are paying to use the facilities, aren't the facilities supposed to be useable?

The third part of the problem is that SistR has given me her kiln and wheel, it is sitting in my apartment, but I have nowhere to use them, and I don't have the money to rent a whole studio space on my own. What I need is for someone to have a bit of studio space (with the proper electical wiring) who wants to do pottery but doesn't have a kiln or wheel. I think I will have to start advertising.

I mean really, I love making mudpies, and isn't pottery the ultimate mudpie?

Monday Surprises

I raced SistR's husband, Rossi, the last mile home on Monday night. His bike is considerably faster than mine and he has more balls than I do when it comes to weaving in and out of traffic, so guess who won?

When I finally got upstairs to the waiting CSA box, he was already cuddled up on the sofa with Jesamine. Mind you, as soon as a built in babysitter was there he was off to do some building work on their patio and I was left to act as a pillow for Jes while she watched old Donald Duck cartoons. But that was ok, because SistR unpacked the box and did the allocations while I looked on.

What did we get this week?

• Roma tomatoes
• Yardlong beans
• Parsley
• Big fat glossy eggplants
• Carrots
• Red okra
• Sweetcorn
• Zucchini
• Cucumbers
• Red peppers
• Sweet potatoes
• New potatoes
• Green onions

There were only 3 cobs of corn, and last week Jes discovered that in fact, yes, she does like corn when it is crisp and sweet and tender, so the corn stayed with them. So did the okra, because I got it last week. But I got the parsley, so this week I am going to make my version of Nazareth style tabbouleh. Why my version, and what makes it Nazareth style? You'll just have to wait and see...

What other plans do I have up my sleeve? I think a deconstructed vegetarian moussaka, lots of Israeli chopped salads, and a cold sweet potatoe soup for starters.

I apologize for making this a short post, but tonight I had my pottery class and I only just got in.

It is just after 23h00 and I am pooped. I have made an executive decision that the day of the week where I will allow myself to skimp on posting will be pottery nights because I get home late, covered in mud from head to toe and drooping with exhaustion which is made worse knowing that, by the time I actually get into bed, I have to get up in six hours.

All in favour say I...

Pesto

Pesto seems to be the blogpost of the week. Everywhere I look, someone is blogging about pesto. Now, this wouldn't be so bad but they all seem to bemoan the fact that that is all they have to post about.

Me personally, I could write an ode to pesto (if I were that way inclined). Other than al burro or ali oli, what could be simpler or more satisfying? Ok, the former is just butter, the latter olive oil and garlic, with parmesan finishing them both off. Pesto adds 2 extra ingredients, fresh basil and pinenuts, to the fat and cheese mix.

What you end up with is something that can send me into transports of delight.

Or, will induce friends to pretend they are spagetti vampires...

It's amazing how much air basil leaves seem to contain. The cup you see above has about 450 ml of really tightly packed leaves (no stems) from Chubeza, 75 ml of garlic amd 150 ml of pine nuts with another 100 ml waiting to be added when there was space. To this was added about 200 ml of really good olive oil (a first cold pressing from the spagetti vampires own olive groves!).

The parmigiano reggiano was actually artistic license - I add it freshly microplaned when I serve the pasta, with a big bowl on the side for extras. The only other things I add at the table is lots of freshly ground black pepper and some dried chilis.

This is the sum total of all of the parts - airless now, and my vase hairless.

And this is what went into the freezer for later, happy consumption.

The tomatoes were doused in more of the vampire's olive oil with some ...

Maldon salt and black pepper, what else?

The Breakfast That Never Happened

This is a bowl I made, waiting to be filled with something yummy. The best laid plans of mice and men and motor scooter riders often go awry….

I decided to get up early today so that I could be a human being, sit down and eat my granola & drink a cup of coffee at the office while reading the NYT online.

Helmet firmly fixed in place, sunglasses perched on my nose, I drove through the unusually quiet streets of downtown Tel Aviv making my way towards breakfast. As I avoided the buses that roared and weaved their way through the almost non-existent traffic (think of Ernie and Knight Bus from Harry Potter and you have an idea of what Israeli bus driving is like!) I patted my back (in my head) and congratulated myself on the excellent batch of granola I had just made. Still warm from the oven, a small bag was toasting the middle of my back as I evaded the grasping hand and overwhelming reek of a thin graying Jerusalem syndrome wannabe.

Past the sweet stench of the Elite factory as it turned out Cow Chocolate (unlike some connoisseurs, I can't tell from the smell whether it is regular, orange or exploding) it looked like clear sailing ahead. And then, the traffic jam…

You might think New York traffic jams like you see at the movies, neat rows of yellow taxis lined up like ducklings. Or you might think of the jostling traffic of Delhi or Mumbai, where you are never really stopped dead in your tracks and there is always a way through or around or over. This, unfortunately, was nothing like those traffic jams… this was a "hefetz hashood" (חפץ חשוד) traffic jam. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a hefetz hashood is a suspicious object (a forgotten bag of groceries, or one of the 3 gym bags filled with laundry that someone was bringing home for mom to wash) that is usually left sitting amongst a crowd of people waiting for a bus.

Once this object is identified as being suspicious the police and bomb squad arrive in double quick time.

They stop traffic in both directions for a distance of about 200 metres from the forlorn package. Those who are stuck in traffic edge closer and closer to the car in front of them. Three lanes becomes four as people try to squeeze through the gaps. Within minutes there is nowhere for the cars and buses to go, so their occupants swing open their doors and crane their necks, trying to see what the problem is. Of course they make sure to leave the motor running so the air-conditioning can cool the outside and the inside of the car.

In the meantime, the bomb squad guys in their oh so cute uniforms and protective headgear complete with shatterproof masks) maneuver their robotic counterpart towards the unsuspecting package. Sitting in their mobile control center they make their observations: size, height, circumference, weight, potential explosive power, all through the eyes of their robot. There is lots of whispered conversation and communications on their shoulder radios and walkie-talkies. While all this is going on the scooteristes, such as myself, slowly weave their way past open doors, bus exhausts exhaling huge quantities of carbon monoxide and hot humid soot, we scrape between the cars that have decided to create a fourth lane, edging closer and closer to ground zero minus 200...

When we arrive we all jostle for the post position, eyes on the flag (well, the cop who will ultimately wave us forward). But after a minute or two, with the space between us decreasing and the number of us increasing, the first, most experienced rider, turns off his bike and lights a cigarette. Then the girl in the stilettos (on the bright green 50cc scooter) takes off her helmet and starts adjusting her makeup in her mirror, while others start talking on their cell phones. And everybody, the scooteristes, the drivers and passengers in the cars and buses, are thinking of one thing – the coffee they didn't have time for this morning.

Then the go is given, all eyes turn in the direction of the innocent package, a subdued bumph is heard (only very, very, very rarely do you get a big bang, but better safe than sorry…), the robots eye view of the scene is checked once more and the whispered radio talk reaches its climax. The scooteristes put on their helmets, the car drivers' start honking their horns, the buses rev their engines and finally, after being held up for 20 minutes, the race to be first at the next just-turning-red traffic light begins. My stomach growls along with my scooter because it knows I won't have time for breakfast now. Oh well, at least I have granola for lunch.